The Change In Me…

October 7, 2009 at 2:49 am Leave a comment

Man, I’m so not onto it today… not sure why, but my body is just kinda protesting. Maybe it’s tryna tell me that I’ve been overdoing it?
I ran a 10.82k yesterday and tried to run a 5k this afternoon, but after 20 minutes I felt exhausted and unwell and came home. That is so unlike me, I NEVER cut my runs short. After resting for a little bit at home I tried to do some more strength training + cardio, but I just couldn’t. I just gave up and showered instead.

I don’t know what’s with the sudden lack of energy. Maybe I need a rest… I dunno. Oh well, today’s pretty much been a rest day anyway. I don’t think I’ve had enough to eat. Since yesterday morning, my eats have been this:
– French toast with eggwhites for breakfast with real maple syrup and sliced pear on top.
– A small bowl of Granola and some leftover roast veges for dinner for lunch

Then I went for my run (10.82k)
– Banana about 4 hours later
– Mince on toast with roast veges.

Then today:
– Small bowl of Granola with a sliced apple.
– Warm Milo
– Piece of toast with marmite as pre-run fuel
– Small bowl of Granola
– and now I’m snacking on a small bowl of sliced peaches.

Does that seem enough for how active I am? :/ I don’t know.. Maybe that explains my lack of energy. Yesterday I had an hour long afternoon sleep— which I NEVER do.

I’m starting to feel a little anxious about exams. I haven’t studied at all (I really struggle with studying) and I don’t cope well under exam conditions. I want to pull out of the health and music exams. Especially music, because of all the practice exams we’ve done, I haven’t passed a single one with a mark higher than achieved. Only problem is, trying to pull out without getting my head torn off by either of the music teachers. Great. Not helping with the stress!

If I pull out of those two then I’ll only have 3. Now three is still heaps, but it’s better than 5!!! I think I’d probably have a mental breakdown if I had to sit 5 exams. I want to pull out of the biology paper in the Science exam. Ironically enough it’s what I need to be a personal trainer, but I feel like I wasn’t even there when our dumb teacher was “teaching” it to us. I seriously didn’t learn a THING. I couldn’t tell you anything about it, and that freaks me out a bit. I’m pretty much being hurled in the deep end.

I feel fine with english. I could pass that exam with no study at all. *touch wood*. Maths… not so much, but we’ll do plenty of revision at school for that. So I’ll feel heaps better as long as I don’t have to do that music exam!!!!

Anyway,  all that is not the topic of this blog post. Today I want to explain the “recent” change in me. Or so it would seem to others. I’m going to explain why I’ve suddenly gone from ‘Muso’ to ‘Fitness freak in the space of 3 months.

I’m about to write about things I have never told ANYONE before. Not even my best friend.

Well, as most of you will probably know, my whole life I’ve been completely 150% dedicated to music and my budding music career. All I wanted to do was be a rockstar.

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(I’m in the middle)

carols

Anyway, you get the picture.

Well, A lot of things have happened this year which have not been so great… Some things are things which most of my fellow performer friends would say “use it to make you stronger!”, but after a while, I started to realize that I was becoming more and more unhappy, because what I wanted so badly to happen couldn’t come true because, simply put, I am just not naturally gifted with music.

Everything I know about music, I have been taught. I wasn’t able to sing naturally, I had to have lessons. I wasn’t able to play drums naturally, I got lessons. I can’t write my own music because it just doesn’t flow like it should. It was highly frustrating and heartbreaking.

When there were auditions for a new production that the local theatre were putting on, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME, I would work my butt off trying to prepare an amazing audition piece and get it perfected so I could blow them away, and every time, I never got the part. It HURT me, more than words can say.. All my efforts wasted. And it hurt even more to see WHO they gave parts to. My friends would try and justify it to make me feel better, but it just didn’t work. I was always second best, always getting the “understudy”. Pissed me off.

I did terribly in all the tests in Music class, and I stopped enjoying performing. That was the scariest bit of all. I thought to myself: “How am I going to make this my career when I don’t enjoy it??”. I think I more enjoyed the IDEA. I wished with every fiber of my being that I could be as gifted, talented and successful as Guns N’ Roses, or the Veronicas. But it just wasn’t going to happen. I have to admit… And this is going to sound a bit pathetic, but every time I listen to Guns N’ Roses — My all time favourite band — a part of me dies because I will never have what they had. (Ignoring all the crap that happened when they broke up + drug and alcohol abuse + jail etc).

It’s painful to know that I was just not born with it in me.

I don’t even know if I’ll take music next year. I might take chemistry instead. But somehow I still want to have it there because I don’t want to give it all up just yet..

Somewhere around this time, I started running. Running feels GOOD, because you can completely control how well you do. It’s totally a mind driven sport in my opinion, especially when you’re running 10ks. It’s entirely up to you to push yourself with your mind to finish. And to some degree, I think I like to be in control. I wouldn’t say I’m a “control freak”, because I’m not, but I do like to have a certain level of control.

I felt good for having an outlet to release stress in a healthy way, I’ve always struggled with stress because I have a tendency to get stressed about everything. And the great thing about running is that you start to see positive changes and results within the very first week. Your fitness levels increase and your body seems more toned.

I felt good because no one can be bad at running. There was no one to tell me that I had failed or I wasn’t good enough. I only got positive feedback.

Also I began to sleep better and I wasn’t so miserable. I’ve always suffered from a certain degree of depression, and it started to go away more and more because of the endorphins released from exercise.

Skip forward 7 months, I started blogging about it and becoming more and more enthusiastic and committed to living an active, healthy lifestyle. I no longer felt inadequate or “second best”. I was my personal best, and I was competing against myself only.

Also, I started motivating OTHERS to get active and moving, and that, was the great satisfaction I have ever felt. It felt so great to see that I influenced others in a positive way to improve their lifestyles and health.

That made me consider being a “personal trainer” when I finish high school. Before I started working out, university or polytech was absolutely not an option at all. I wanted to rebel, I wanted to get a job, save money, form a band, somehow get a record deal, become huge and famous and tour the world. But I’ll be the first to admit that I do not have what it takes.

So now I’m thinking of going to University and getting a Bachelor in “Sport and Exercise Science” to be a personal trainer. That way, I’ll get to stay fit for a living, and get the thrill of motivating others to make a positive change 🙂

Anyway… that’s enough for now. This has been one Looonnnggg post. I’ll make another post later about “October Ab Challenge” Day 4 🙂

Have a great night.

Have you ever made a drastic change in your life?

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Entry filed under: Fitness, goals, Music, Nutrition, personal record, running, Whakatane. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Helmets. “October Ab Challenge” Day 4 + New sport!

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Introducing…

Hey there, my name's Jenny. I have a huge passion for cooking/baking, writing, yoga and photography. I love nature and my favourite thing to do is spend an entire day outside, breathing in crisp, fresh air. Even better if I have a pen and paper with me. I started out running in March 2009 but sustained an injury in October 2009 which has unfortunately prevented me from running. I've been experimenting with other kinds of exercise to find another one that clicks. Follow me on my journey to maintaining good health + surviving high school and pursuing a career in Journalism. I Hope you enjoy reading my blog!

Questions? Comments? Email me at jennyeatliverun@hotmail.com

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