Valued, Connected, Secure.

November 12, 2009 at 5:43 am Leave a comment

This post is a very personal one for me… I’m making myself very vulnerable by discussing the following things. Please take that into account if you decide to read this.

I am SUCH A DICK.

Seriously. I have been the biggest bitch to someone who means so so so much to me over the last two weeks… I feel terrible 😦

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I thought I’d try and explain the reasons behind my recent behaviour… in the hopes that maybe that person will read this and have it help them find it in their heart to forgive me…

If you have ever taken Health at Trident High School, you should be aware of VCS– Valued, Connected, Secure. They say this applies to every single person on the planet, and as cheesy as it sounds, they aren’t lying. It’s true.

Every single human being has the need to feel Valued, Connected and Secure. We are miserable without all three.

Well with me, I am a little screwed up due to issues created from childhood. My dad left my Mum when I was 3, and I barely ever saw him until I was 15. I felt so neglected and therefore suffered from issues of abandonment.

Unfortunately, even though Dad and I have a happy, stable relationship now, those effects have never really resolved themselves.

I guess you could say I’m insecure.

I always expect an important male figure in my life to walk out on me and never come back. Or just hurt me badly in some way..

It didn’t help that I was in a really really bad relationship last year which pummeled my self esteem and self confidence. I was left feeling so worthless and unwanted. All that just reinforced my perception that no man, regardless of where he stood in my life, would treat me well or love me.

Then I met this one guy, who was so different from all the others. It took me by surprise because negativity has mostly been all I’ve ever known.

I was still convinced that he’d leave me and wouldn’t stick around. I even told him of my fears and he assured me that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Because he was so good to me and treated me so well, my need to cling on to him and feel VALUED, CONNECTED and SECURE has been amplified by about a MILLION.

Over the last two weeks I have been freaking out mildly because other people I love have been walking out on me, I’ve parted ways with some and I am terrified of being alone. He’s the one person I’ve got left that I feel so good around, so comfortable.

I’m so scared we’re going to be separated that it’s made me become unreasonable and bitchy.

I’m so so so sorry to him… He knows who he is.

I hope you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I’ve said.
I hope the damage is reparable..
I don’t want to lose you

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Things I’m Grateful For #5 Cute.

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Introducing…

Hey there, my name's Jenny. I have a huge passion for cooking/baking, writing, yoga and photography. I love nature and my favourite thing to do is spend an entire day outside, breathing in crisp, fresh air. Even better if I have a pen and paper with me. I started out running in March 2009 but sustained an injury in October 2009 which has unfortunately prevented me from running. I've been experimenting with other kinds of exercise to find another one that clicks. Follow me on my journey to maintaining good health + surviving high school and pursuing a career in Journalism. I Hope you enjoy reading my blog!

Questions? Comments? Email me at jennyeatliverun@hotmail.com

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