I am terrified

December 19, 2009 at 3:26 am 4 comments

And as a result, really really upset and grumpy.

This sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster with running. I’ve taken a few days rest from running, opting for the stationary bike instead, but my knees and hip are still in extreme pain. I’ve been living off pain killers just so I can WALK comfortably… My knees are so much more painful now than they were even before I took this break!

I have noticed my walking style sucks and causes my knees and hip to hurt. I’ve chosen to do minimal physical activity today that could possibly agitate my knees and hip any further.

I just feel like breaking down and crying!! WHY me? 😦 WHY do I have to keep getting injured? WHY can’t this have happened to someone really nasty who deserves it? 😥 It’s so unfair and I wish I could just be healthy and a happy runner. ALL I want is to be able to run. If I have to stop…. I don’t know how I’d survive, honestly. MENTALLY, I would suffer the most.

I’m so scared that I’ll have ongoing problems with my knees and I’ll have to stop running. That is my greatest fear right now, I’d do ANYTHING to stop that from happening!!!

I’m trying to remain positive, and it helps each time I speak to Gaz and he reassures me, but my hip pain should’ve gone by now and it hasn’t… that’s an unusually long time for it to be hurting. And I’ve never had knee pain this long-lasting before, it hurts to even WALK.

So as you can see, my positivity is rapidly decreasing and fear, concern and huge sadness is starting to settle in…

I’m getting new shoes which will hopefully help… I’m going to start wearing them everywhere when I get them and not just for running. Maybe they’ll help ease my knee pain..

God, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do… I’m miserable all the time because I’m so terrified that I won’t get better. I don’t know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to talk to Gaz on Monday and hopefully things will be a little better by then. If not, I’ll make a point to go up to Auckland to visit him as soon as possible to get assessed. Then we’ll decide whether I’ll need physiotheraphy or not.

I don’t think people understand just how important running is to me. I’m so passionate about it and it has saved my life. I feel so good about myself, it’s a great way to release stress and tension, I’m sleeping better, I have an awesome body now, I’m strong and more muscular, I can eat whatever I want without feeling guilty, my skin is clearer, I’m more tanned, I feel like I’ve finally found “my thing”.

If I have to lose all that… I honestly don’t know if I could do that.

please please keep your fingers crossed, or pray for me or whatever in the hopes that I will get better and overcome this and come out the other side as a stronger, more capable runner. I’d appreciate any support or advice you have to offer.

Lots of love, Jenny


p.s- might be getting a new camera for christmas, I took it for some test shots yesterday, see some of them here on Flickr.


Entry filed under: Health, Injury, running. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Christmas Wishlist Don’t crash Dad’s scooter

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. rachellee321  |  December 19, 2009 at 4:07 am

    Praying for you!! While I have never been a runner to begin with, I have always had knee problems that prevented me from playing the sports I loved… But I hope you’ll be able to find something else to love and make you feel good! I still do strength training and I ❤ it

  • 2. Me  |  January 8, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe! I’ll go and read some more! What do you see the future of this being?

  • […] ways to stay in shape whilst nursing two different injuries at the same time. There have been many breakdowns…. (see youtube vid) But also many […]

  • 4. melbourne physiotherapy  |  December 9, 2010 at 5:13 am

    I hope you will be able to do well soon.


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Hey there, my name's Jenny. I have a huge passion for cooking/baking, writing, yoga and photography. I love nature and my favourite thing to do is spend an entire day outside, breathing in crisp, fresh air. Even better if I have a pen and paper with me. I started out running in March 2009 but sustained an injury in October 2009 which has unfortunately prevented me from running. I've been experimenting with other kinds of exercise to find another one that clicks. Follow me on my journey to maintaining good health + surviving high school and pursuing a career in Journalism. I Hope you enjoy reading my blog!

Questions? Comments? Email me at jennyeatliverun@hotmail.com

December 2009
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