The Abuser- Creative Writing

June 18, 2010 at 4:57 am 2 comments

Here’s a little something I’ve been working on. It’s a different approach to writing than I’ve taken before, let me know what you think of it an how it makes you feel. Keep in mind that it’s not finished yet, I still have A LOT to go.
COPYRIGHT.

It’ll eat you alive.
“Can you tell me exactly what happened?”
There’s no escape, you only get sucked deeper and deeper into the pit of crap.
“Explain how he did it..”
There’s nothing you can do, they’ll eat you alive and you’re left with only your soul, torn and broken, merely a shell of what it used to be.
“I need you to tell me the full truth ok? Don’t leave anything out”
They pretend to be nice, they pretend to be on your side, but in reality? They’re all the same, thinking I’m just another messed up girl, making up crap to get revenge.
I guess though that yes, I was just another messed up girl, and yes, revenge would’ve been sweet, but my story? That was far from crap.
Isn’t it ironic that the people who most deserve to suffer are often the ones who suffer the least?
And those who don’t deserve it, rarely get the justice they want and end up suffering due to lack of?
It’s funny, isn’t it?
We’re ruled by a government who wouldn’t know true abuse if it hit them in the face. They don’t understand that abuse goes so much deeper than they think.
Emotional abuse.
Physical abuse.
Psychological abuse.
Each is horrible and traumatic. At least with physical abuse though you can take it and maybe even fight back, but emotional and psychological abuse? Nothing can compare to the horror in those.
The abuser breaks you down to a painful point where you lose all respect for yourself. You start believing the shit that they say, and eventually become just a hollow shell, devoid of feeling and respect, unable to survive on your own. And that’s when the abuser knows they’ve got you.
It’s a vicious cycle and very few can resist it. It’s hard to resist because you don’t see it coming, the abuser ‘grooms’ you, lulls you into a false sense of security to make you feel safe and loved. Then slowly they begin to change, it’s a slow change and you don’t pick up on it for a while, but then you do start to notice it… you tell them things are wrong, you try to get things back to how they used to be, but it never will be because it wasn’t real. This, now is what’s real.
They manipulate you and convince you that it’s all your fault, you made this happen and you’re just not good enough. You might get mad at first but the abuser is quick to nip that in the bud by threatening to leave you. This doesn’t sound bad but it’s a slap in the face because you didn’t realize it, but you’re in love with them, they groomed you to depend on them. The shock and the fear of being alone grips you and you apologize madly, truly believing it’s your own fault and you beg for forgiveness.
They string you along, play with your head for a bit longer before eventually “accepting” your apology, you think they’re amazing for taking you back, all the while they’re smirking quietly to themselves in satisfaction. 1 to the Abuser, 0 to the victim.
One they’ve “forgiven” you, they tell you nice things about how much they love you, how beautiful you are, how you ‘complete’ them… Just to make sure you don’t get bored and risk slipping off their little finger.
You delight in the kind words and feel that familiar rush of love and happily think to yourself that maybe it was just a small glitch and that now things will go back to the way things were, back to normal.
But then they push you. Just out of the blue one day. You standing and having a conversation and all of a sudden they become unresponsive, their eyes bore into yours, into your soul, and then with one swift motion and a lot of force, they push you and you fall to the ground.
Tears fill your eyes and you look up in disbelief, you look up in shock. You yell at them, you want to know why they did that, what did you do?
Then they cover their ass, they apologize, help you up, hug you, tell you how much they love you and then tell you it was just a joke.
You get mad, you want answers, and that’s when they turn it around, turn it on you and make it sound as though it’s all your fault, tell you you deserved it and YOU should be the one apologizing to them, not the other way around. After a few minutes of arguing, you’ve become deluded and convinced that they’re right, you are in the wrong and deserved it, you apologize profusely and beg them not to leave you. They storm out, leaving you, a teary-eyed mess, behind to pick through your guilt.
You text them an hour or so later, apologizing again, saying you’ll change, you’ll be a better person… Although you’re not entirely sure what you did wrong to begin with…

To be continued…

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Entry filed under: writing. Tags: , , , , , , , .

I have absolutely GOT to make a change, I’m wrecking myself :( A Letter To Myself

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Emma  |  June 18, 2010 at 7:15 am

    I like it but it’s doesn’t sound like a stroy. It sounds like a blog, or something.

    Reply
  • 2. Abbi  |  June 27, 2010 at 11:12 am

    Thumbs up. this hit me where it hurts. quite powerful. Keep it up 🙂

    Reply

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Introducing…

Hey there, my name's Jenny. I have a huge passion for cooking/baking, writing, yoga and photography. I love nature and my favourite thing to do is spend an entire day outside, breathing in crisp, fresh air. Even better if I have a pen and paper with me. I started out running in March 2009 but sustained an injury in October 2009 which has unfortunately prevented me from running. I've been experimenting with other kinds of exercise to find another one that clicks. Follow me on my journey to maintaining good health + surviving high school and pursuing a career in Journalism. I Hope you enjoy reading my blog!

Questions? Comments? Email me at jennyeatliverun@hotmail.com

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